spar wars crew log
Intergalactic Empire of the Far Side is looming again,
only this time, they plan to blow up
the universe. Better go sort 'em out!
However, due to lasyness on my
behalf, and, of course, my really poor HTML
knowledge, I cannot create the nice
scrolly credits that Star Wars has, so this thing
will have to do. My job is to look
through the Treble Alliance rosters, and create a crack
super dooper enough to kick Daft
Fader's ass, and destroy the Death Spar once and for all!
Captain's Log :
Who gives a damn. We're rebels, therefore, we do not
bother with silly cacky diary thingys. Yeah. Well, I have
managed to track down these hard geezers. They are all
here to kick Fader's butt!
A really lucky bloke. Seems to win his battles using
nothing but luck. Blew up the Death Spar for the first
time by a power cut. Then the generator ran out of fuel,
then the solar panels were stolen, then the hydro power
was blocked up, and then he kicked Daft in the danglies.
He's kind of the main bloke around here.
As round as the mint. He's a hard bloke, who isn't very
popular around the galaxy. Has a nice old spaceship,
otherwise, not much cop really.
little garden gnome of a dude. Bloody nice chap, even
though he's older than my great, great, great, great,
grandad. Has big ears, and waffles on about the force.
Unfortunately, he sound likes Fozzie bear from the
Muppets, which is a big shame. Otherwise, he's a dude!
A big old hairy fella, who drives racing cars for money.
A bit of a wierdo, considering he speaks like a snoring
elephant. Possibly used to be Herman Munster once upon a
time. Has allergies to hairdressers and garden shears.
Comes complete with nits.
His name will probably get censored eventually. Anyway,
he's mates with Flook's dad. Like Yoga, he goes on about
the force. He's alright I suppose.
to make stir fries and other oriental dishes. Useful for
hitting evil no-hopers over the head. It's the model
before F-Wok and the model after D-Wok.
Some hard hitman bloke who, despite a poor showing in the
films, remains popular to Star Wars boffins. He doesn't
say a lot. He used to be an evil guy, but the pay was
naff, so he joined the Alliance on a three month loan
Chrysanthemum (I spell-checked it as well!) A shifty
bloke. Has a nice house. He is, unfortunately, a bit of a
hippy, and does eat flowers. Otherwise, he's not too bad.
A very witty bugger.
Snackbar Flies around in space quite a lot. Don't get
to see him much here! He's the sort of guy who insists on
popping into the nearest McDonald's Fly-thru.
A very smelly robot, who has not been programmed to go to
the toilet. He normally sits outside of any spaceships,
because of his foul smell. Always make sqeaking noises.
Occasionally mistaken as a wheelie bin!
Another robot, who also smells a lot. Lack of deodorant
facilities means this robot has earned his name. Despite
his gold complexion, not many people try to half-inch him
and sell him to a jewellers. It's his smell!
Organic Very much an agricultural farmer. She is the
woman who spreads the manure around the fields in the
country side. She also smells a bit, and tends to get
shouted at by some motorists. Such a pity, but never mind!
Wars - Episode One - The Fattened Tennis
the crew of the Treble Alliance have managed to travel
back in time and grab a few suckers... I mean, crew
members to add to our rosters. Here are some of them:-
A Jedi master, bought back from the dead. He knows his
stuff well and he is a good fighter on the light sabre.
However, he should be strongly avoided after a couple of
drinks - this seems to be his only downfall so far...
Armadillo Joined the Alliance after her reign as a
queen. Tends to roll up into a ball and roll around the
floor. Likes to hide under beds and cupboards. Smooth on
the inside, crunchy on the outside - Armadillo!
Skywalker A little brat who keeps wrecking things and
stealing the spare parts to build droids and Odd-racers.
Yoga doesn't like him much, as he is too disruptive and
ruins the harmony and the vibes etc...
Mall A bad guy, but he was only bad due to the lack
of shopping facilities on his home planet. Has scary face-paint
to scare the hardest of security guards and store
detective, and has a double-ended light sabre for wide
Jar Banks A tall character with big ears. Bit of a
moron and quite annoying. He loves to make preserves, and
stores them in his cabin - it's normally a nice smell of
strawberries when you walk past him.
A junk-yard dealer specialising in spare parts for
spacecrafts. Also likes a bet or two on Odd-racing. He
can fly, and used to work part-time in the Simpsons TV
well, there's plenty of Star Wars geezers just waiting to
get ripped off. I will discover them as I battle my way
against the Far Side. Oh well, see ya, and may the horse
be with you!
HellFire Of The Treble Alliance.