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mobile phones

A lot of of people in the UK now own mobile phones - a lot of those people only bought them to listen to the dodgy jingles! This is a list of practical uses for a mobile phone (other than listen to the jingles), most of which are not advisable unless you have a serious grudge against that suspect. Anyway, read on and perhaps try some of them (the more sensible ones...) These are best used in a situation when someone you don't like has left the room for a few minutes, and left his/her phone lying on the desk next to you.

NOTE - "Owner" is referring to the person who owns the mobile phone.

NUMBER 1 : PHONE PEOPLE

Errrr.... Isn't that the point of them in the first place? Why not synchronise your watch according to the telephone time message..... In another country! Yeah. That'll cost money.... Why not be really sneaky and turn the sound down and put the phone back into the case? The owner will pay for the bill. Sheer evilness....

NUMBER 2 : FILING FOR DIVORCE?

This one involves you looking for the owner's partner in the memory buttons, dial the number and shout "F**k You!" Hang up. The owner's fiancee might use a call-back facility, and trace it to their partner's mobile phone. The inevitable phone call back will happen, and a big argument occurs. Stand a safe distance away, and just bust your guts laughing!

NUMBER 3 : CHEAPSKATE MOOD...

This is ideal if you own a mobile phone yourself. Dial someone's mobile phone number, and let it ring twice. Hang up. With any luck, the person will ring back, and you can have a conversation, with the other person paying for the call.... Save yourself money in the long run with this method!

NUMBER 4 : SPOON

Use the aerial of your "friends" mobile phone to stir your tea. Do you have a large cup with lots of tea? Simply use the actual phone, stirring by the aerial. To really annoy the owner, wait until he/she returns and ask for a spoon. You might get kicked in however, but it'll be worth it!

NUMBER 5 : DOOR WEDGE

If the mobile phone gets thinner at the bottom, then why not use it as a door wedge? For tiles, lino and other slippery surfaces, the rubber keys found on most phones will act as grips, and make the wedge that little bit stronger!

NUMBER 6 : TELEVISION OR TELEPHONE?

For those not-so-technical people amonst us, look away now... Tell someone that they will get a mobile phone for either their birthday, Christmas, or whatever. Simply give them an old remote control in a nightclub, halfway through the party. With any luck, they will be slightly drunk, and may not realise that it is a remote control. Watch them try and impress someone when they dial someone with a remote control!

NUMBER 7 : BATTERY CHARGER!

Fed up with someone chatting all day long? Simply replace the phone battery with a more powerful battery. Try a camcorder battery. It might not work, but if it does, it could have tragic consequences..... hee hee hee!

 

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