Also incorporating Intel Islands!
roll up, roll up, it's Microsoft Meadows - The long-awaited
theme park, courtesy of those boffins from Redmond,
Washington. This is completely exclusive to HHome.co.uk
so read on...
Meadows will be located 10 miles outside Bognor, which is
an important seaside resort with a lot of tourists.
Covering a huge 20-acre area with masses of tarmac,
Microsoft Meadows is a park to reckon with.
is a list of proposed attractions and features you can
expect to find in Microsoft Meadows:-
The working name
for this huge ride is currently the Address Bus.
It will feature eight high-capacity cars, built like
microchips, feature eight death-defying G-Force Loop-the-Loops,
along with chicanes, smoke screens, sharp brakes, and a
maximum height of 3000ft from the ground. All this, and
the knowledge that the Roller Coaster's system is
completely driven by Windows '95, makes this the awesome
ride to die for!!! (Not recommended to people with heart
conditions. Height and hardware restrictions apply).
There are two of
these on either side of the park. One for Intel hardware,
the other for Microsoft products. You can have the chance
to beta-test the latest products, and competitions
aplenty, including prizes for the quickest time it takes
to crash Windows. Experience the first versions of
Windows, Word, and many many more besides. The hardware
museum features Intel chips and stuff, ranging from the
old 8086, to present day chips, and beyond! Recommended
to those nostalgic types among us!
the Microsoft Museum, you can find artefacts, kindly
donated by Bill Gates, including the very same suit he
wore when he got pied (the pie stains are still there),
and the many copies of Windows which crashed during his
speeches. There's also some legal documents from many of
his court cases, some of which are very exclusive to the
government (until we stole them back!)
The Bill Gates
Yes, it's a temple
for those who worship Bill. Anyone who reckons Billy is
bigger than God can come here and sacrifice non-believers.
Or perhaps you are the voodoo type, who wants to perform
voodoo rituals on Mr. Gates!
The Arcade Huts
There are eight
arcade huts, scattered around the park for your gaming
pleasure. Included in these arcades include top games
like Microsoft Dome, Microsoft Golf, Microsoft Flight
Simulator, Solitaire, Mine Sweeper, Calculator, and many,
many more. All programmed professionally by Microsoft
programmers, using MSDos. Well worth the two-quid prices!
Drink your coffee
or eat your chips (obsolete Pentiums) while you mess
around in the World Wide Web, using Internet Explorer.
Can't be bad. Friendly and rapid service makes these
cafes, the best around! Voted one out of five in "What?
cinemas (24" SVGA), showing all of the latest movies
(from Alaska), such as E.T, Terminator, Karate Kid,
Robocop, and many, many more! Experience the sound from a
pair of 20-watt computer speakers. Hear every bass thud,
freeze at every tingling piano tune, and basically enjoy
a multimedia experience. Movies digitally remastered
The Gift Shops
Selling mugs, T-Shirts,
sticks of rock, and other paraphenalia, most of which has
Bill Gates printed on each one. Also available, new range
of Windows deodorants - smells just like Bill Gates!
Baseball caps with the Windows logo on the front,
football shirts with Windows logo on the front, and Gates
printed on the back. Gift vouchers also available, as
well as a whole range of Microsoft and Intel products.
are dressed in Bill Gates costumes, similar to the
Teletubbies. They perform comedy shows in the main
showground between 2.00 and 5.30pm, although you can
always expect them to be late! Watch them roll about,
throw custard pies, and type documents using Word. Great
fun for the youngsters!!
Yep, it's those
all singing, all dancing Intel Technicians. Their nice
radioactive-like costume and their great dance acts make
these guys the best for miles! There's also Intel
Technician merchandise, including deodorant which smells
just like a technician who has came out of the suit after
5 hours of intensive work! Can't be bad!
feeling of using Windows to flush the bog. See how the
water stops at the right level, and flushes at the right
time. If you don't like the sound of this, then there's
always the bushes!
Yes, the crane
machines are full of different items. Stuff your cuddily
toys, these are the machines to play on! Win prizes such
as CD-ROM drives, Hard Drives, Memory Expansions,
Soundcards, Mice, Joysticks, Modems, Keyboards, and many
other wonderful things. You can collect them and trade
them in for the latest Microsoft merchandise. It's
entirely up to you!
Roll up, roll up.
Win yourself a copy of Netscape Communicator! The
traditional coconut shy, revamped for the millennium by
replacing coconuts with enemy software. Also available,
the OS2 shy, the Lotus Smartsuite shy and the all
important J++ Builder shy...
Dunk the Judge
Bill Gates has
bought along some friends for this attraction. With his
battles in court, he needs a stress relief solution. This
is in the form of Dunk The Judge. Simply throw a ball at
the target, and if you hit the target, the federal court
gets wet! Family fun all the way!
This is the
almightly thrill sweeping most places. This theme park is
no exception! With a specially adapted mouse, with a 20ft
lead, you can also experience the thrills of bungee
Yes, for the more
peaceful people amongst us, there is Microsoft Bingo.
This isn't any ordinary bingo however, as the numbers are
actually error codes from Windows applications. The bingo
caller simply crashes a program, and you check the error
code off your board. Win prizes such as CD-ROMs,
peripherals, motherboards and CPUs. If you're lucky, you
can win the top-of-the-range jackpot prize of a powerful
Intel computer! Can't be bad! All the 3's 453gfdsd4534343733a!!!
The Clock Tower
It's better than
Big Ben (considering Big Ben's the bell, then most clocks
can tell the time better!) It is a full-size tower case,
with a clock telling you the time in binary, as well as
decimal. Also beeps every hour! (Due to technical
problems, this will be unavailable after 1st January 1900
(surely that is meant to say 2000?)).
Yeps, like every
theme park around, you can change up your normal hard-earned
cash into special Microsoft cash. For every 1 Micro$oft
Dollar, you only have to pay £100! The machines accepts
£50 notes or more.
Of course, your
visit is not complete without a little relaxation in the
form of music. All our jukeboxes are chocked full with
MIDI files, ranging from Brahams to Beethoven. All in
superb 24-watt stereo with visual graphics supplied by
Guess The Licence
A random Microsoft
product is picked up daily, and all you have to do is
guess the licence number of that product. If you guess
correctly, you win that piece of software! Easy peasy!
Maximum amount of guesses by one person is six, so think
Do you think your
aim is good? If so, try your luck on the AOL-sponsored
Hoop-la (or ring toss). Simply throw an AOL compact disc
onto a spike correctly to win prizes! Lots of fun, and
almost possible to do!
UPDATE! - Opening
Monday - Friday
- 08:00 - 20:00 (start to queue at the gates about 10:00),
14:00 - 22:00 (half-day at the courtrooms),
Closed (Unless income is low for the week),
New Year's Eve
Spacial - 08:00 - 00:01 (January 1980),
There will be more
attractions as time goes by. These are the comfirmed few.
Prices are uncomfirmed, although computing students get
The park will be
opened by Bill Gates himself, who will sign your versions
of Windows '98 (for a small "upgrade" fee).
Date:- 24 January, 1993.