the national lottery
Yes sir! This is my page on one of the biggest and better 'get rich quick' schemes in the country - The National Lottery! Okay, so it is rumoured to be
fixed, and no-one has won without buying a ticket, but it's all so fun for a quid! And you make rich theatres get ever richer in the process!
Top Ten Lottery Tips, by Mystic Smeg
1 - Make Sure You Are 16 Or Over.
2 - Buy A Ticket, Using Sterling Pounds.
3 - Buy It From A Reputable Business.
4 - Make Sure It Is Still In Date.
5 - Do Not Rip It Up Before The Draw.
6 - Do Not Fill In The Void Box.
7 - Make Sure You Choose 6 Numbers.
8 - Do Not Listen To Mystic Meg. She Smells!
9 - Use A Biro To Mark Your Numbers.
10 - Win.
Things that can happen to stall the Lottery!
Kelly using the machine for the FA Cup fifth round draw,
even though he's no longer in the FA.
Everyone decides that their pound coins can go towards some other
use, and don't bother playing.
Daz Doorstep Challenge steps in and washes everybody's
clothes inside the machine.
whole of the U.K. returning their tickets during the show,
because they are faulty.
buying the rights for the lottery and using Windows '95
to run the machine.
forgot to ask somebody from the street to choose a
machine and a set of balls.
putting their washing into the machine, thinking it was a
Monkhouse spending half-hour to explain a joke which no-one
craft fair held yesterday has used the balls for heads on
crowd cannot be bothered to go Ohhhh... every time a ball
turning it on its side, and confusing it with a wheel
machine decides to turn itself into a Scud missile
McCririck placing odds on every single ball (with his
replaces the balls with grapes, which will produce wine.
button-presser getting an electric shock from a dodgy
half inches the machine before the curtain is raised.
barrel part of the machine falls off and rolls down the M1.
Hackney council using the machine as a cement mixer.
nicks half of the barrel for the Millennium Dome.
Round of the Table Tennis World Championships.
Meg being caught in the mist with Russell Grant.
balls popping out of the machine in one go.
demented hamster getting some excercise inside it.
balls being trodden on, and crushed accidentially.
uses the ball for substitutes for Big Break.
against Dale Winton going onto the stage.
using the machine for a charity prize raffle.
Lottery Machine gets clogged up with limescale.
Meg being crushed by a comet from Saturn.
failure can stop the machine from spinning.
balls with the same number pops out.
machine blowing up with a huge bang.
dudicator not wearing his proper suit.
Daniels makes the balls disappear.
Meg choking on the smoke.
stealing the jackpot.
Minute News Report.
buying a ticket.
am aware that the way in which the Lottery show is
presented changes every 35 seconds or so, and this chart
may look pretty old for some parts, but it just shows how
much I watch the lottery.
advert mentioned a guaranteed jackpot of £12.5 million
pounds! Did I get my guaranteed jackpot? Did I f**k! I'm
filing a case against Camelot for false advertising
latest advertising campaign by Camelot, exclusive to HHome.co.uk,
and while stocks last...
One Number For £1, Get The Other Five For FREE!!!