how to annoy people

Yes, this is the guide for you, if you want to be as annoying as annoying gets! Follow these tips, and you are pretty likely to get your head flushed down a bog!

No 1 : The Dual-Carriageway Trick
Useful for the richer, or the professional car-thief. Simply obtain a combine harvester, and drive it down a busy dual carriageway. For a better effect, get a mate to drive alongside in a milk float! Watch all that traffic build up now!

No 2 : The Bus Scenario
There are several things you can do in a bus, but one of the better ones includes cutting your fingernails with some nail clippers. For extra annoyance, cut your toe nails. Try sitting in the seat behind the bus driver for good results!

No 3 : The Record Shop
Simply pick up as many pieces of vinyl as possible. Expensive ones are recommended. Stand in front of the turntable, playing each one. For extra annoyance, make the person who will buy it miserable by putting your greasy fingerprints all over it.

No 4 : I Love Microsoft
An easy one. Simply go around everywhere, ranting to everyone and anyone how good Microsoft is.

No 5 : The Haircut
When somebody has a hair-cut, simply mention out loud about the hair cut. Mention this every five minutes or so.

No 6 : The Lift Problem
You will need to be very quick and energetic for this one. When the lift is at ground floor, simply peg it up the stairs, stopping at every floor, pressing the up button. If you're quick enough, you can stop the lift on every floor. This will annoy people inside the lift, so try not to get seen.

No 7 : The Public Phone Sticky Situation
Very easy this one, simply chew a piece of chewing gum, spit it out and place in the change space on the phone. When somebody picks up their change, they will be pretty annoyed, and if you're there at the time, you might even get kicked in!


web site content & design (c) phil hudson / hhome.co.uk - twothousandandfour annodomini
(unless you've been told otherwise of course...)